I never was a pastor and as far as I am concerned I never will be. I don't feel like its my calling. But I can explain.
A few years ago if you would've told me I was going to be in the military I would've peed my pants and said no way Jose. 2 years ago I thought I had it all planned out for me. Here's what I had going on
Two years ago I dreamed of being a youth pastor...hence the title, "Pastor to Private" I loved it!! I loved following my old youth pastor around, doing youth ministry things. I dreamed youth ministry. Well of course God threw me an unexpected curve ball and my emotions eventually changed.
Last year I went on an incredible missions trip with an incredible group of people. We stayed in Juarez, Mexico. While we were staying in El Paso, TX we were living right next to a military base. FT Bliss. It was cool driving by and seeing tanks, cannons, soldiers, barracks, Humvees and all other crazy military things. While down there in Mexico I was seeing how cool it was to serve. I was out of my comfort zone, even though most of you seem to think Mexico is my home (You know who you all are, and I hate you :-)
While in Mexico I experienced serving in a totally different environment. Now I am a mind-reader and I know what you are thinking, "If you loooove God, and you love serving, and you wanted to be a pastor than why don't you just work in the field of doing missions trips?" That's a great question! I loved helping the people in Mexico but....
I love danger
I love protecting others
I love blowing stuff up
I love guns
I want the challenge
I want the experience
I want the uniform
I want to be a part of the United States Armed Forces
As I was sitting on the plane home, on a plane with more soldiers than civilians I was thinking about life and what I wanted to do...
Im going to serve my King, and my country.
Hooah,
Evan
Showing posts with label serving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serving. Show all posts
I wrote a similar post about being spiritually burned out about a year ago. That was one of my first posts. Click here to check it out!
I've been involved in student ministries for 6 years now serving faithfully from 7Th to now, 12Th grade. I served in children's ministry for 2 years, and ushered for 2 years (won usher of the year award!) Student ministries is definitely where I had a passion for serving. Since then I've never really been a student. Once I began high school I always put myself in the staff position haha. Its what I do.
I love serving. I love helping. Its what I am passionate about.
"Many hands make light work" I like being those hands that make light work! And we all know I've got hands!!
Now that I seem to be getting closer and closer to the homestretch of my senior year I am flat out exhausted for student ministries, but not just student ministries. Everything. I am not motivated by any means. It emotionally and spiritually hurts me when I can not get excited about serving and helping out. I feel the conviction but I just am struggling in my heart.
What separates this "Burned" from the last one is that I am Burned out on Christianity.
Know a few things first:
1) This does not mean im throwing in the towel on Christianity, that's foolishness.
2) This will not change the way I think about God in anyway.
3) This will not affect the way I process thoughts and make decisions. Don't worry, I will still cross the line with most things I say. (for anyone who doesn't get it, I don't typically think before I speak...It can make for a good laugh, but it gets me in trouble sometimes.
4) I certainly wont stop going to church or riot, that's craziness!
I am just at a place where a christian hates to see themselves at. It happens I understand.
When I got baptised I knew that this crazy thing called Christianity sure wasn't going to make life any easier. I knew my road would have its curves and bumps. At least I'm not doing It alone.
I've been involved in student ministries for 6 years now serving faithfully from 7Th to now, 12Th grade. I served in children's ministry for 2 years, and ushered for 2 years (won usher of the year award!) Student ministries is definitely where I had a passion for serving. Since then I've never really been a student. Once I began high school I always put myself in the staff position haha. Its what I do.
I love serving. I love helping. Its what I am passionate about.
"Many hands make light work" I like being those hands that make light work! And we all know I've got hands!!
Now that I seem to be getting closer and closer to the homestretch of my senior year I am flat out exhausted for student ministries, but not just student ministries. Everything. I am not motivated by any means. It emotionally and spiritually hurts me when I can not get excited about serving and helping out. I feel the conviction but I just am struggling in my heart.
What separates this "Burned" from the last one is that I am Burned out on Christianity.
Know a few things first:
1) This does not mean im throwing in the towel on Christianity, that's foolishness.
2) This will not change the way I think about God in anyway.
3) This will not affect the way I process thoughts and make decisions. Don't worry, I will still cross the line with most things I say. (for anyone who doesn't get it, I don't typically think before I speak...It can make for a good laugh, but it gets me in trouble sometimes.
4) I certainly wont stop going to church or riot, that's craziness!
I am just at a place where a christian hates to see themselves at. It happens I understand.
When I got baptised I knew that this crazy thing called Christianity sure wasn't going to make life any easier. I knew my road would have its curves and bumps. At least I'm not doing It alone.
Jan 12, 2009
As I was sitting on my plane pending its arrival to El Paso, Tx I was interviewed by Laurie one of the crews cameramen. She asked me a bunch of questions I really never thought about before. She asked me questions like, "What are you expecting?" or " What do you think it will be like?" "What do you think you will learn?" As i was starring into the camera i simply blurted lame answers that I came up with in a few seconds. As Laurie went back to her seat I sat their thinking about what she asked me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like, I've never been to anywhere in the world like that before and I've never done something like build houses for less fortunate people before. I continued to think, "What will this whole experience be like?"
Our first day in Mexico was quite a sight. The south is quite an interesting place and beyond the border can not be described well enough with words, pictures, or videos. As we began to arrive in the outskirts of Juarez it looked like a trash dump combined with a dessert with small shacks people call home scattered around. It was certainly nothing i've ever seen before.
When I learned our work schedule I was a little nervous, working intense hours in the Mexico sun worried me a bit but as soon as we began to build none of that mattered anymore. I made sure that the last thing I worried about on the trip was my myself. The week was about serving, and it was incredible.
On the third and final day working on the house, I looked at it when it was complete and I thought about how each persons hand had something to do with the house. Each persons hands created what we called, "a free gift from God." As that day progressed it got even more amazing. Our dedication ceremony touched even the hardest hearts. This blog post isnt even 1/100th of what happened there but just the shortest possibly cut down version, maybe the real deal will come later on when I've fully understand what really happened there.
It was definitely an honor serving with each and every person on that trip. Our first meeting was scary and I didn't know many of the other people going, but by the end of the week I felt like I could talk to anyone. It was truly amazing we felt like one big family.
Thanks everyone for making it one of the best experiences of my life.
Our first day in Mexico was quite a sight. The south is quite an interesting place and beyond the border can not be described well enough with words, pictures, or videos. As we began to arrive in the outskirts of Juarez it looked like a trash dump combined with a dessert with small shacks people call home scattered around. It was certainly nothing i've ever seen before.When I learned our work schedule I was a little nervous, working intense hours in the Mexico sun worried me a bit but as soon as we began to build none of that mattered anymore. I made sure that the last thing I worried about on the trip was my myself. The week was about serving, and it was incredible.
On the third and final day working on the house, I looked at it when it was complete and I thought about how each persons hand had something to do with the house. Each persons hands created what we called, "a free gift from God." As that day progressed it got even more amazing. Our dedication ceremony touched even the hardest hearts. This blog post isnt even 1/100th of what happened there but just the shortest possibly cut down version, maybe the real deal will come later on when I've fully understand what really happened there.It was definitely an honor serving with each and every person on that trip. Our first meeting was scary and I didn't know many of the other people going, but by the end of the week I felt like I could talk to anyone. It was truly amazing we felt like one big family.
Thanks everyone for making it one of the best experiences of my life.
May 22, 2008
I've always been told that God can work so far up the river that you cannot see Him preparing something for your life. Its true. This blog is 100% in relation to my "Burned" Post from November. Its amazing how God can make things happen. Its incredible how God can work in my life so quickly and make such an incredible Impact. Its incredible how God lets things sit in order for His plan to help me grow. God works in all different ways, and fortunately I got to experience God work through the "Breakdown" phase. And this is how it happened. What happens is EVERYTHING went wrong. I woke up, and the second I opened my eyes, I knew it was going to be terrible day. Family fights, anger towards church, and a heart not willing to serve...a perfect combination for a minor spiritual breakdown. I will leave out the details about how the breaking-point part of my day went, All I will say is it was involved with a dozen F-Bombs, and 23904 other words i shall not repeat. God knows its time for things to change and then it happens I realize things need to change. All the RIGHT things fall into place. I talk to the right people, hear the right things, sing the right songs. Its incredible how I can get hurt in such a small time, but whats even more incredible is how my heart can change in an even smaller amount of time. Maybe you didn't read my other blog, "Burned" but now I am here and I feel more content with serving. I'm taking all the right steps and heading in the direction I need to be going...Finally. Heres God taking me and shaping me into who he wants me to be, a Yearning Disciple striving for a life for Him.
Dec 9, 2007
So I'm really loving the new idea of putting my thoughts onto a website such as blogspot, I'm really excited about things that I can post, and I am really looking forward to creating new Posts.
I've been really struggling with a few things lately and I have yet come to a conclusion on what to do. Maybe the right people will see this and give me a hand.
Every Sunday 4:00-10:00PM I'm running around Impact and Riot doing anything that is possibly needed to be done. Arrive at 4:30 setting up till 6. From 6:00 - 7:00 I am often in helping with middle school service IMPACT. Immediately after that from 7:00-8:00 I'm then in the High School service RIOT. Around 8 when the service is over then i finally have some breathing time to relax. Most times I'm usually being asked to do something due to reliability, which I don't mind usually, I'm a student leader I accept that things need to be done. Okay fine. 9 o'clock rolls around and its time to clean up. It usually takes a hardcore half an hour to get things cleaned up nicely. Then at 9:45ish we have a small meeting to recap the night, its a good time. I can honestly not remember the last time I've missed ONE week. Besides Sunday afternoon I often babysit for various classes within the Church. As well as a classroom once a month, but that is not a big deal. Now obviously the point of this post is not to tell you about my Sunday Night schedule. I'm finding that I'm digging myself in a hole, each day it gets just a bit deeper. I have discovered that my Passion to serve has been uncomfortably low. For a few weeks it was something I kinda ignored, nothing i felt of too much Importance. Its about maybe the 6Th or 7Th week now that i feel this way and I'm in a high level of discomfort by it. It sucks! Each Sunday I used to run, or sprint, or even sometimes SKIP to Riot because I got that excited. Now when 4:15 strikes (my time I leave my house) I get upset/angry. I feel burned out. I feel like me serving now is like a job that a 45 year old man does everyday for his whole life, it gets incredibly repetitive and just plain boring. And aside from poor attitude, i know my pessimistic attitude is trickling off onto others who are around me as i set-up, which I hate more than ever. (Although i never enjoy when someone says they don't know how plug in a TV and xbox , come on its two wires!!!) Anyway i feel like this isn't serving, I'm not happy and I feel I HAVE to do this, I don't, its my choice but it does not feel that way at all anymore. I hate admitting the fact that right now serving is a annoyance to me, but I'm only human and I'm must be honest with myself. I've been spending much time praying about this situation and hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel comes a bit sooner. I never like admitting that serving for God is an annoyance, that just sounds bad or at least in my eyes. Whats going on!?!!
I've been really struggling with a few things lately and I have yet come to a conclusion on what to do. Maybe the right people will see this and give me a hand.
Every Sunday 4:00-10:00PM I'm running around Impact and Riot doing anything that is possibly needed to be done. Arrive at 4:30 setting up till 6. From 6:00 - 7:00 I am often in helping with middle school service IMPACT. Immediately after that from 7:00-8:00 I'm then in the High School service RIOT. Around 8 when the service is over then i finally have some breathing time to relax. Most times I'm usually being asked to do something due to reliability, which I don't mind usually, I'm a student leader I accept that things need to be done. Okay fine. 9 o'clock rolls around and its time to clean up. It usually takes a hardcore half an hour to get things cleaned up nicely. Then at 9:45ish we have a small meeting to recap the night, its a good time. I can honestly not remember the last time I've missed ONE week. Besides Sunday afternoon I often babysit for various classes within the Church. As well as a classroom once a month, but that is not a big deal. Now obviously the point of this post is not to tell you about my Sunday Night schedule. I'm finding that I'm digging myself in a hole, each day it gets just a bit deeper. I have discovered that my Passion to serve has been uncomfortably low. For a few weeks it was something I kinda ignored, nothing i felt of too much Importance. Its about maybe the 6Th or 7Th week now that i feel this way and I'm in a high level of discomfort by it. It sucks! Each Sunday I used to run, or sprint, or even sometimes SKIP to Riot because I got that excited. Now when 4:15 strikes (my time I leave my house) I get upset/angry. I feel burned out. I feel like me serving now is like a job that a 45 year old man does everyday for his whole life, it gets incredibly repetitive and just plain boring. And aside from poor attitude, i know my pessimistic attitude is trickling off onto others who are around me as i set-up, which I hate more than ever. (Although i never enjoy when someone says they don't know how plug in a TV and xbox , come on its two wires!!!) Anyway i feel like this isn't serving, I'm not happy and I feel I HAVE to do this, I don't, its my choice but it does not feel that way at all anymore. I hate admitting the fact that right now serving is a annoyance to me, but I'm only human and I'm must be honest with myself. I've been spending much time praying about this situation and hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel comes a bit sooner. I never like admitting that serving for God is an annoyance, that just sounds bad or at least in my eyes. Whats going on!?!!
Nov 15, 2007
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