5 things you probably should'nt do in Germany!

I haven't been here too long and i've already personally witnessed enough stupid crap to formulate a list about things you shouldn't do while traveling in Germany! I'm stationed here in Germany! Yes I am stuck here filled with testosterone pumped guys who want nothing more than some german beers and a sneak peek at some german boobies! Lets see, army guys + money + beer + endless amounts of woman = never a good thing. Learn from these people!

1. This one is called the Krusty Crab!
This guy came into my barracks room explaining to me the good time he had with some random romanian girl from the red light district. If you don't know what that is its basically a playground for hookers. Gross right? Anyway when this guy proceeded tell me about his adventures with this girl he had to pay 100 Euros for (which is roughly 160 American dollars.) He kept going on as if I cared to hear about his sad stories about how he had to pay for a good time. As he continued to tell me his story i couldn't help but nothing something was bothering him… i don't need to go into detail because I feel that the title is enough for you to figure out but let me tell you something. Man-scaping in my shower is not going to be a good solution, Actually its more of a HORRIBLE idea. See, now I am just pissed!
Moral of the story: Just because prostitution is legal here does not mean you wont get the itchies! Gross!

2. The Battle Buddy System!
Here in the army we don't do anything alone! Why? Because if something goes horribly wrong you've got a soldier to cover you, to watch your back, to make sure you get out alive! One guy decided he was too good for his battle buddy and left him in a hotel room passed out with a hooker in a city pretty far from base. The next morning he found a note and some money, she felt bad for him and paid HIM to get back to base! Taxis here arent cheap either! Moral of the story: Pick the right battle buddies! Don't leave your buddy in a hotel room with a syphylgonjuas infected woman. Thats not right!

3. Loans are for houses, cars, or really expensive things!
I know obama wants us to spend money so the economy can kind of fix itself, I guess a few guys here got the idea ohhh so wrong. If your a single guy, 18 and have never really made to much money before the armies pay seems pretty freaking awesome! Right? If your 21, paying child support and are in debt at home you should probably be careful with what seems to be not enough money for you… And when i say careful I don't mean taking out a german loan and spending 2500 Euros in one night. I wish this was a joke but sadly its not…. How does one spend that much money in a strip club? Where do they keep all that money? I probably don't even want to know! This guy spends his nights in the barracks now! Hes out of money.
Moral of the story: You're in Europe! Spend the money on something better than strip clubs! Go see something cool! Do something other than blowing all your money! Also, this place is HELLA expensive don't blow all your money!

4. Watch your stuff!
We've learned that some people over here:
A. Hate americans
B. Hate soldiers more than american civilians
C. Are Racist!
D. Will steal your credit card when your drunk and will max out your cards at strip clubs!
This one is pretty simple… Watch your stuff, be careful who you talk to, and remember…people here arent to fond of us, esp soldiers.
Moral of the story - Look at A through D again.

5. This ones for real
Although the 1 through 4 are pretty funny this one….eh not so much. Maybe you arrant aware but sex trafficking is a pretty popular thing in this world. I would like to say that things in the movie, "Taken" aren't true, but that kind of stuff is happening. Germany is one of the worst countries for hosting sex trafficking. Its not funny at all… This stuff is a real bad issue. The red-light district is a city block of women in windows waiting to be picked! sex for money. You think they all want that? How can anyone willingly take part in that? That makes you just as bad as the assohle pimp who deserves a grenade in his mouth with the pin pulled…. Take it as you will! Moral of the story: Dont be a part of that girls horrible life...

This place is nuts! Just as a sidenote, I haven't been involved in ANY of these shenanigans! Why because Im Awe…

wait for it…

wait for it…


Hope you've enjoyed my return to the blogging world!


Naeners said...

Loved it! Of course! Glad you're back! <3

Anonymous said...

Hey Evan,
So cool to read you're blog!
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Love you

Melissa: said...

This is definitely one of my favorite posts! You had me laughing a lot! Glad you see that your spirits are up! Miss you!