Emotional Dropkick at 4:35 PM

This blog post isn't going to be anything like the others. Just letting you know its going to be me speaking out about the way my week has gone...

I had an incredible summer, If you read my recent blog post you'd know that. I am astonished about how things can change so fast. Things started to go down hill when a good portion of my friends left for college. I never deal with it well when people leave. School! Senior Year! I walk in and out of school each day not happy, at all. Why? No clue. So I am unhappy about school right now? What normal teen isn't? School has emotionally messed me up this past week than ever before and I cant figure it out. I woke up this feeling with a feeling I haven't had in a while, and I HATE it. Its unexplainable but it felt as If God wasn't there.

This morning I spent my whole study hall with my Ipod on and my head down praying for 45 minutes. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. Its not over... I have a girlfriend who I don't see as much as I'd like and I feel the pressure from that situation. But I KNOW that it'll help us soo much.

And to top it off I feel like I'm I cant talk to anyone about it. Mikey G puts it well in his latest blog, "God Why Must I Stay So Blind" he says," In the past i could always talk to a mentor about this kinda of stuff but God found it necessary to completely remove all of them from my life at the moment." His words are too familiar to me. God threw all of this at me at once and I don't know if its God just working on me a bit or what but its driving me insane. God seems to make these kind of moves when I'm most vulnerable. I love the analogy used in Brians Jones' book Second Guessing God that talks about God working so far up the river that we cant see him. I love it and hate it at the same time. I'm having a tough time accepting it I guess. I hate being able not being able to see God, but that's when he does his best work.

Like I said, this isn't my typical blog. I wont look back at it tomorrow and delete it because this is how I feel and I'm not running on some kind of crazy emotional feeling right now. This week has been nuts and I can only pray for a better one next week.